Still Accepting...

Bismillah. Assalaamu'alaikum warahmatullah wabarakaatuh;

Once again, so much time has gone by, yet the feeling is still fresh..SubhanAllah walhamdulillah wAllahuAkbar.

No, I am not depressed, yes, I get sad at times, but all the time am I happy..AllahuAkbar. Sad because I am human, and happy because my child is destined Paradise..What more can I ask for??? The thing I feared the most was having a child, not being able to raise him right and then this world corrupting him. Alhamdulillah..Allah saved him from himself and me from heartache of possibly seeing my child go astray. SubhanAllah.

Today, I am not going to use a hadith, rather, the story of Prophet Ayyub (alayhi salaam). Allah says in the Quran, “...Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily, he was ever oft returning in repentance to Us!” Surah Saad ayah 44. The story is long of course, but WELL worth the read!!!

Prophet Ayyub (alayhi salam) was repentant, remembering Allah with thankfulness, patience, and steadfastness. This was the cause of his rescue and the secret of Allah’s praising him. A group of angels were discussing Allah’s other human creatures, how those who were humble earned Allah’s pleasure, while those who were arrogant incurred His displeasure. One of the angels remarked:

”The best creature on earth today is Ayyub, a man of noble character who displays great patience and always remembers his Generous Lord. He is an excellent model for the worshippers of Allah. In return, his Lord has blessed him with a long life and plenty of servants, as well as the needy and the poor share in his good fortune; he feeds and clothes the poor and buys slaves to set them free. He makes those who receive his charity feel as if they are favoring him so kind and gentle is he.” Iblis overhearing all of this, became annoyed. He planned to tempt Job to corruption and disbelief, so he hastened to him. He tried to distract Job from his prayers by whispering him about the good things in life but Ayyub was a true believer and would not let evil thoughts tempt him. This disturbed Iblis even more; thus he began to hate Ayyub even more. Iblis complained to Allah about Ayyub.

He said that although he was continuously glorifying Allah he was not doing so out of his sincerity but to satisfy Allah so that his wealth should not be taken away. It was all a show, all out of greed. “If You remove his wealth then You will find that his tongue will no longer mention Your name and his praying will stop.” Allah told Iblis that Ayyub was one of His most sincere devotees. He did not worship Him because of the favors; his worship stemmed from his heart and had nothing to do with material things. But to prove to Iblis the depth of Ayyub’s sincerity and patience, Allah allowed him to do whatever he and his helpers wished with Ayyub’s wealth. Iblis was very happy. he gathered his helpers and set about destroying Ayyub’s cattle, servants and farms until he was left with no possessions. Rubbing his hands in glee, Iblis appeared before Ayyub in the guise of a wise old man and said to him: “All your wealth is lost, some people say that it is because you gave too much charity and that you are wasting your time with your continuous prayers to Allah. Others say that Allah has brought this upon you in order to please your enemies.

If Allah had the capacity to prevent harm, then He would have protected your wealth.” True to his belief, Ayyub replied: “What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for awhile. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills.” With these words, Ayyub again prostrated to his Lord. When Iblis saw this, he felt frustrated, so he again addressed Allah: “I have stripped Ayyub of all his possessions, but he still remains grateful to You. However he is only hiding his disappointment, for he places great store by his many children. The real test of a parent is through his children. You will see how Ayyub will reject You.” Allah granted Iblis authority but warned him that it would not reduce Ayyub’s faith in His Lord nor his patience. Iblis again gathered his helpers and set about his evil deeds. He shook the fountain of the house in which Job’s children were living and sent the building crashing, killing all of them.

Then he went to Ayyub disguised as a man who had come to sympathize with him. In a comforting tone he said to Ayyub: “The circumstances under which your children died were sad. Surely, your Lord is not rewarding you properly for all your prayers.” Having said this, Iblis waited anxiously hoping Ayyub was now ready to reject Allah. But again Ayyub disappointed him by replying: “Allah sometimes gives and sometimes takes. He is sometimes pleased and sometimes displeased with our deeds. Whether a thing is beneficial or harmful to me, I will remain firm in my belief and remain thankful to my Creator.” then Ayyub prostrated to his Lord. At this Iblis was extremely vexed. Iblis called on Allah. “O my Lord, Job’s wealth is gone, his children are dead, and he is still healthy in body, and as long as he enjoys good health he will continue to worship You in the hope of regaining his wealth and producing more children. Grant me authority over his body so that I may weaken it.

He will surely neglect worshipping You an will thus become disobedient.” Allah wanted to teach Iblis a lesson that Ayyub was a devoted servant of his Lord so He granted Iblis his 3rd request but placed a condition: “I give you authority over his body but not over his soul, intellect or heart, for in these places reside the knowledge of Me and My religion.” Armed with this new authority, Iblis began to take revenge on Ayyub’s body and filled it with disease until it was reduced to mere skin and bone and he suffered severe pain. But through all the suffering Ayyub remained strong in his faith, patiently bearing all the hardships without complaining. Allah’s righteous servant did not despair or turn to others for help but remained hopeful of Allah’s mercy.

Even close relatives and friends deserted him. Only his kind, loving wife stayed with him. In his hour of need, she showered her kindness on him and cared for him. She remained his sole companion and comforter through the many years of suffering. Ibn Asaker narrated: “Ayyub was a man having much wealth of all kinds; beats, slaves, sheep, vast lands of Haran and many children. All those favors were taken from him and he was physically afflicted as well. Never a single organ was sound except his heart and tongue, with both of which he glorified Allah, the Almighty all the time day and night. His disease lasted for a long time until his visitors felt disgusted with him. His friends kept away from him and people abstained from visiting him. No one felt sympathy for him except his wife. She took good care of him, knowing his former charity and pity for her.” Therefore Iblis became desperate. He consulted his helpers, but they could not advise him. They asked : “How is it that your cleverness cannot work against Ayyub, yet you succeeded in misleading Adam the father of man, out of Paradise?” Iblis went to Ayyub’s wife in the form of a man.

“Where is your husband?” he asked her. She pointed to an almost lifeless form crumbled on the bed and said: “There he is, suspended between life and death.” Iblis reminded her of the days, when Ayyub had good health, wealth and children. Suddenly, the painful memory of years of hardship overcame her, and she burst into tears. She said to Ayyub: “How long are you going to bear this torture from our Lord? Are we to remain without wealth, children or friends forever? Why don’t you call upon Allah to remove this suffering?” Ayyub sighed, and in a soft voice replied : “Iblis must have whispered to you and made you dissatisfied. Tell me how long did I enjoy good health and riches?” She replied: “eighty years.” Then Ayyub replied: “How long am I suffering like this?” She said: “seven years.” Ayyub then told her: “In that case I am ashamed to call on my Lord to remove the hardship, for I have not suffered longer than the years of good health and plenty. It seems your faith has weakened and you are dissatisfied with the fate of Allah. If I ever regain health, I swear I will punish you with a hundred strokes! From this day onward, I forbid myself to eat or drink anything by your hand. Leave me alone and let my Lord do with me as He pleases.” Crying bitterly and with a heavy heart, she had no choice but to leave him and seek shelter elsewhere. In this helpless sate, Ayyub turned to Allah, not to complain but to seek His mercy:

“Verily! distress has seized me and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy.” so We answered his call, and we removed the distress that was on him, and We restored his family to him (that he had lost), and the like thereof along with them as a mercy from Ourselves and a Reminder for all who worship Us.” (Ch 21:83-84) Almighty Allah also instructed: “Remember Our slave Ayyub, when he invoked His Lord saying: “Verily! Satan has touched me with distress (by losing my health) and torment (by losing my wealth)!” Allah said to him: “Strike the ground with your foot: This is a spring of water to wash in and cool and a refreshing drink.” And We gave him back his family, and along with them the like thereof as a Mercy from Us, and a reminder for those who understand.” (Ch 38:41-43) Ayyub obeyed and almost immediately his good health was restored. Meanwhile, his faithful wife could not longer bear to be parted from her husband and returned to him to beg his forgiveness, desiring to serve him.

On entering her house, she was amazed at the sudden change: Ayyub was again healthy! She embraced him and thanked Allah for His mercy. Ayyub was now worried, for he had taken an oath to punish her with a hundred strokes if he had regained health but he had no desire to hurt her. He knew if he did not fulfill the oath, he would be guilty of breaking a promise to Allah. Therefore in His wisdom and mercy, Allah came to the assistance of His faithful servant and advised him: “take in your hand a bundle of thin grass and strike therewith your wife, and break not your oath. ” Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily, he was ever oft returning in repentance to Us!” (Ch 38:44) Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “While Job was naked, taking a bath, a swarm of gold locusts fell on him, and he started collecting them in his garment. His Lord called him: “O Ayyub! Have I not made you too rich to need what you see?” He said: “Yes, My Lord! But I cannot shun Your Blessings.” (Al Bukhari)

So, we need to remember that everything in this life is a blessing, be it good or bad. We should praise Allah in times of prosperity and adversity. Everything is a test of your sincerity in faith, whether you are rich or poor. Remember that everything you have in this life is a loan; your children, husbands, wives, friends, your BODY! We will all return to Allah..AllahuAkbar! What are loans for?? For us to gain some benefit..My baby was a loan from Allah. Although, he was only with me for 8 months, and I never met him, he will always remain in my heart so long as I am breathing. He was a mercy. He was sent here to help me appreciate pregnancy more (everyone knows how non-chalant I am about almost anything, now I think this will help me become more enthusiastic). Allah does everything for a reason, it's just up to you to take the good from it and esp. praise Allah throughout the hardship.

Also, in "little" things, always remember Allah, with your heart and tongue. Just now I was looking for something and couldn't find it so I stopped looking and said subhanAllah..and BAM there it was! Lol Alhamdulillah.

May Allah only take us when we are pleasing to Him..Ameen
May Allah grant us ease in the grave...Ameen
May Allah grant us Jennah and allow us to be in the presence of our beloved Rasullullah (saws) and may He bless us all to reunite in Jennah..Ameen!

Wassalaamu'alaikum (any typos, please excuse them because I don't feel like editing, you can do that if you want Asha, :D love ya!)

The Qadr..We Must Accept it...

Bismillah

I know I said I was going to go through the 40 hadith, however, I got distracted with life and slacked off in my postings..as you can see, mashaAllah. Although, I would still like to continue I am not going to do it in order.

InshaAllah this one will be about Hadith 19: Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me:

"O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."

[Al-Tirmidhi relates this and says: It is a good, genuine Hadith]

In a version other than that of al-Tirmidhi it reads:

"..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."

I have gone through many trials in my life that this hadith has brought ease to, SubhanAllah. Yet, none of those test can ever amount to losing a child.

At the beginning of my pregnancy people kept harassing me about finding out what the sex of the baby was going to be so that I could buy things for the baby..I told them I didn't want to do so just in case it wasn't meant for my child to enter this world. Some understood, some looked at me like I was insane (hence my title, Embracing Insanity). I had that conversation at least once a week. MashaAllah. Anyway, months of refusing to find out the sex of the baby, the inevitable happened.

A week before my two week check up I told my husband that I was anxious about something, I began to have a mild panic attack and everything. After a while I convinced myself that I was just being overwhelmed with moving and that it would pass..a few days later the anxiety kept coming back. I asked a friend about stillborns, she yelled at me and told me to, "shut up and stop thinking about that." I tried, but I was preparing myself as much as I could.

We got to the doctor's office, my blood pressure was over the top high, 150 or 90...not good, I know. I was told to lie down on the bed, she put the cold gel on my stomach, couldn't find a heartbeat, she tried once more, and again nothing was seen nor was it heard. My husband and I looked at each other, gave a nervous smile and said, "MashaAllah." She tried to make me feel better by saying, "well, maybe I can't pick it up so I am going to send you to the hospital."

As soon as I walked in the labor and delivery unit the nurse was apologizing to me for what happened as if it was her fault (I know that's her job, but I thought it was funny). She was very sweet, they all were. By the way, I thought I was just going to get an ultrasound, until the nurse came in and told me to put on the backless gown (ugh, of course I asked for another, to cover up my goods)and get comfy because there is no telling how long I would be there. After the final ultrasound I was going to get induced.

That's when the anxiety really kicked in.."Do you mean to tell me that I am about have a baby???!!!" That's what I was thinking the whole time. SubhanAllah. Never have stayed at a hospital over night, not even when I was a baby (I was born at home)!!! I was thinking all of this but I my outer showed otherwise.

We called everyone to let them know..My mother couldn't believe it, my mother in law cried like he was her own, and I sat there trying to accept His decree.

This is getting rather lengthy so I am going to continue on another post so that you don't feel like you are reading so much..I want to have mercy on your eyes...to be continued inshaAllah.

Assalaamu'alaikum

Bismillah...I have to get used to this post thing lol.

Assalaamu'alaikum folks..Okay, I am going to begin inshaAllah. We are doing the 40 hadith, and starting with the 1st hadith of course.

HADITH 1
On the authority of Omar bin Al-Khattab, who said : I heared the messenger of Allah salla Allah u alihi wa sallam say :

"Actions are but by intention and every man shall have but that which he intended. Thus he whose migration was for Allah and His messenger, his migration was for Allah and His messenger, and he whose migration was to achieve some worldly benefit or to take some woman in marriage, his migration was for that for which he migrated." related by Bukhari and Muslim

I love how this is the first hadith because it makes me remember that everything goes back to my intentions..I have to remember to renew my intentions in everything I do, especially when it comes to things about this Deen. I know now I have to renew my intentions as to why I started this blog. I started this to help myself spiritually..I need to reconnect with the spirituality in me..and try my best to get close to Allah (SWT) by pleasing Him.

If I could just do everything for the sake of Allah things would be, subhanAllah, perfect. It's hard though because a lot of the time my ego gets in the way..Who am I to have an ego when it comes to doing things for His (swt) sake? Nobody whatsoever..but Astaghifirullah I tend to forget that. I think if I purified my intentions and tried to strictly make them for the sake of Allah (swt) I would be happy doing things that I normally hate doing..You know?

Even before Salah we should remember to purify our intentions and sincerely mean it..I know sometimes we just ask Allah to accept our prayers and we don't put any thought into it, but we should put ourself in a state of humility and sincerely ask Allah to accept our prayers and purify our souls, and etc. I feel like I want to type so much, but I can't figure out how to get it out lol. Anyway, there is so much to say about intentions..Feel free to chime in...I would love to read your thoughts..Here's a website where they expound on the hadith a lot more..http://fortyhadith.iiu.edu.my/hadith01.htm

InshaAllah we all gain good from this because indeed the good is from Allah and the bad is from my nafs and shaytaan.

Love ya!

Bismillah...It's Been A Long Time Coming...

...but I am finally writing something! I kept getting writer's block I guess. I know this is where I can just be me and I don't have to care what people think, but I cared so I didn't write lol. I am here now so let's go! Where should I start????? Umm, are you going answer my question or not? Gosh! Okay, let me get a little bit serious.

I read my little subtitle to my partner in Deen and he said, I am weird. I know that. That's why I'm making this blog..I had to explain to him that everyone is weird/different..No one's fingertips are alike, weird/different. In my mind being normal means being the same as the next person. Anyway, I know some of you understand me, so I'm cool.

The reason I made my url tasawwuf-ihsan is because I am striving for purification of the soul/heart. One of the many meaning of Tasawwuf is perfecting your submission/obedience to Allah (SWT). And Ihsan, as most of us may know, means excellence, purification, and it is related to the word "husn (goodness)." Also Ihsan is in the 2nd hadith of Imam Nawawi, "Also on the authority of 'Umar, radiyallahu 'anhu, who said:

"While we were one day sitting with the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, there appeared before us a man dressed in extremely white clothes and with very black hair. No traces of journeying were visible on him, and none of us knew him.

He sat down close by the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, rested his knee against his thighs, and said, O Muhammad! Inform me about Islam." Said the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, "Islam is that you should testify that there is no deity save Allah and that Muhammad is His Messenger, that you should perform salah (ritual prayer), pay the zakah, fast during Ramadan, and perform Hajj (pilgrimage) to the House (the Ka'bah at Makkah), if you can find a way to it (or find the means for making the journey to it)." Said he (the man), "You have spoken truly."

We were astonished at his thus questioning him and telling him that he was right, but he went on to say, "Inform me about iman (faith)." He (the Messenger of Allah) answered, "It is that you believe in Allah and His angels and His Books and His Messengers and in the Last Day, and in fate (qadar), both in its good and in its evil aspects." He said, "You have spoken truly."

Then he (the man) said, "Inform me about Ihsan." He (the Messenger of Allah) answered, " It is that you should serve Allah as though you could see Him, for though you cannot see Him yet He sees you." He said, "Inform me about the Hour." He (the Messenger of Allah) said, "About that the one questioned knows no more than the questioner." So he said, "Well, inform me about the signs thereof (i.e. of its coming)." Said he, "They are that the slave-girl will give birth to her mistress, that you will see the barefooted ones, the naked, the destitute, the herdsmen of the sheep (competing with each other) in raising lofty buildings." Thereupon the man went off.

I waited a while, and then he (the Messenger of Allah) said, "O 'Umar, do you know who that questioner was?" I replied, "Allah and His Messenger know better." He said, "That was Jibril. He came to teach you your religion.""

[Muslim]

So this goes to show you how important purification of the soul is in this Deen. When some people hear/see the world Tasawwuf they automatically think, "oh my God, it's the bid'ah (innovation) boogey-man!" When in fact there is absolutely nothing wrong with it when it's practiced the correct way..and that's with any path. If you want more info on the word bid'ah, here's a link, http://www.youracreator.com/profiles/blogs/whats-the-truth-behind-bidah

Back to me, lol. I want the blogs to have some type of coordination..maybe start off with 40 hadith and then the steps I am taking to purifying myself. Oh, with the 40 hadith I am not going to post the ahadith only, but I will talk about how it affected me as well. That's it for now..InshaAllah until next time. I think I will post every week..maybe more than that but I am not committing to more than once a week.

May Allah bless us all to reach the highest level of Islam, Iman, and Ihsan. Ameen.

Assalaamu'Alaikum..P.S. Excuse the typos. I really don't feel like editing :)