46 days and counting (you do the math)...Labor and delivery prep! Pt 1

AsSalaamu'Alaikum WaRahmatullah, It has been a couple of months but I am back...for now. In shaa Allaah you are reading this blog with the best health, Imaan, Islaam and Ihsaan. :) The last time I was here, I told you all that I am expecting again and I am still expecting Alhamdulillah. I have less than 2 months left so make du'a for me!! I really hope and pray that I can go into labor naturally because with my previous 2 pregnancies I was induced so my body didn't go into labor on it's own :( ma shaa Allaah. I am trying to prepare a little better for this labor and delivery than I did before. I will run down a list for you all if you want to use the ideas: 1. MAKING DU'A!!! :p 2. Compiling a du'a book (du'as for myself, my family, friends and ummah)so that I can read it during labor. 3. Packing my hospital bag a month and a half in advance! The bag will have the following -Inexpensive knee length tank dress (I found some at Old Navy for like $2)because I don't like the gowns but if you don't mind them Alhamdulillah. -Long Robe for post-postpartum or even during labor in case you want to rome around the hospital (I am a thrifty shopper so I am getting one from a thrift shop. Believe it or not people give away NEW stuff in case you are skeptical of wearing a used robe). -Bathroom slippers/House slippers (I HATE using any restroom with no slippers. I think I got the habit from living in Senegal). -Soap!(Any soap that you love because the soap at the hospital isn't all that great for the skin, my skin at least). -Lotion/Body cream (whatever you like) -Lavender Oil and an aromatherapy diffuser (the hospital in Atl let me have one so in shaa Allah the one in Toledo will allow it as well since it's not a fire hazard etc). The reason I want that oil because it has a calming property to it so I want to have it going during labor and after, I really think it will help. -A BIG scarf because people will be coming in and out after the baby is born and you may just get that male doctor that doesn't knock. -Snack items (dried fruits, nuts, chips, crackers, applesauce *I love that stuff!!*, whatever you like and won't go bad overnight! -Toothbrush, paste, deodorant, powder, etc. -Book -Kohl! (just in case people want to take pics) I know some people are thinking, "I won't even be thinking about how I look after labor!" Well, I think it will make me feel better if my face looks nice and fresh. -A nice comfy outfit for me and the baby to ride home with. I don't know the sex of the baby sooo I think I am going to get something neutral for baby :). -A nice warm baby blanket (I am working on crocheting one now) since it will be cold out when he/she is born in shaa Allaah). -My crochet supplies (just to keep my occupied for at least an hr before the contractions really start hurting). -Dates (said to ease pains *Maryam (AS) ate dates to ease her pain as well. In the Quran. I will try to add the ayah here somewhere*) -A positive attitude!!! -I am not packing any Quran cds although I recommend that you do unless you have a walking Qari like myself i.e. my hubby :D. -Phone to call everyone after the baby is here hehe -Aaaanndd I can't think of anything else right now BUT if you have any ideas please share. I know it looks like a lot but it's not. In shaa Allaah I don't procrastinate and I get it all done before the baby is here! 4. Positive thoughts! Jeez, I wrote nothing but at the same time it's a lot. Sooo I am going to pause here and continue a little later in shaa Allaah. Remember Allaah in all that you do...PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEACE

I don't know...Rambling maybe?

AsSalaamu'Alaikum how yall doin'? I can't believe it has been almost a year since my last post. I have really been slacking but I have been semi busy as well. Last time I was here, I was talking about how it felt to be a mother and joys etc, this time I am going to share how it feels to be a mother of an 11 month old AND expecting another baby. Yes, expecting another baby! Need I type it again?? Lol. MashaAllah, I found out that I was pregnant again when Rumaysaa was 6 months. Fast, I know, but mashaAllah, I pray that I am able to wait at least 2 years to have another after this one but I am also thankful to Allah that I am able to give life and that He has chosen me to raise yet another servant to Him. And I am grateful that I get to have some more expiation of sins because lawd knows I need it. Seriously, Lord KNOWS I need it. Pregnancy so far has been easy, minus being sore from nursing etc. I know some say we should stop nursing while pregnant but I just couldn't cut her off cold turkey just yet. And I know some of you are thinking, "shouldn't have gotten pregnant!". I have heard people say it about others so I know folk are saying it about me. Ah well, can't beat the Qadr of Allah. Anyway, I am gradually weaning her; before she would nurse like 10 times a day, but now she is down to 3 on a good day (most are good) and 5 when I am too tired to get up and make her food. Oh, and she isn't waking up in the middle of the night to nurse either, halleluyer! Alhamdulillah because the night nursing was really driving me insane but she is taking it well, better than I thought. InshaAllah soon she won't even want the ninny. It seems like yesterday that I had her but now she is walking, trying to talk, feeding herself (making a huge mess of course) and just becoming her own person I guess. It's amazing to see children grow and to know that you were once like them and that inshaAllah they will soon be like you (better than us I pray). Life is the same cycle. It's sad at times to know that you may never see them again once you die. That's one of my fears about death, not being able to see someone you loved ever again (maybe in Jannah, if you're good). This reminds me of this pregnancy. One thing different about this pregnancy is that I have EXTREMELY emotional, crying every whichaway lol. My close friend's (like my sister) father passed during the last ten days of Ramadaan, and I was very, very close with him so it was hard on me. I was able to attend his funeral thanks to my loverly parents and husband. It felt as though I lost one of the few friends that I had. Whenever I would call to check on him he would be so happy and would talk to me about his past, present and what he wants in the future. :) I am getting teary eyed just thinking about him. He was a great man, mashaAllah. So many traveled far and wide just to witness his burial so that shows you how loved he was by many. I am sure if he had passed in NY it would have been a massive janazah. May Allah protect him from the torment of the grave and hellfire and grant him Jannah. Ameen. When I saw them bring his shrouded body out and carry it to the cemetery, I could do nothing but burst into tears because at that moment I felt the reality of life and death. Nothing in this world is permanent and we all have to meet our Lord one day no matter what we are doing, if it is our time to go we are getting picked up by the Angel of Death and even if we aren't ready for the final exam we still will be tested in our grave, it's up to us whether we will answer the questions correctly. Lordy Mcfordy, I was so down for almost 2 weeks after her passed, it would hit me at the most inconvenient times, I would be driving and just burst into tears (such a hazard!) or about to pray, TEARS! Even now, I am crying smh. MashaAllah though. I am sad because I miss him. I am happy that he has left this world because it is hard living and this world was meant to break and then make us (yes I meant it just the way you see it). “God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.” ~ Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. After reading that quote you should understand what I meant about break and then make. It will break us down to pieces, make us feel like less than scum and then if we are strong enough we can build ourselves back up and become better than we use to be. Ha, another quote popped in my head by Amir Sulaiman, "I'm better than I was, worse than I'm gonna be." If we really stick to that then before our appointment with Allah we may just be 25% ready to meet Him. We just have to make sure we have packed the right deeds during this journey. I have more to type but I will wait because I know that this is a lot. Excuse the typos, I am too lazy to edit. Make du'a for me and mine and if I know you I will do the same for you. Remember Allah in all that you do. (stole that from a friend :P) Salaam

woo and a hoo!!!

Bismillah. Assalaamu'alaikum all!

2 months and 20 days later, how yall doin'?? Lol..I must be excited huh? Just a little. Alhamdulillah, almost a week after my last post, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Rumaysaa Aasiyah Kirk. I had to get induced because I lost a lot of fluids, etc, but by the mercy of Allah, I went through it with no drugs!!! That was my ultimate goal. My husband was there doing dhikr and I was trying to do the same through the painful moaning and groaning, I think it worked...:/. My aunt was there the whole time cheering me on...and my wonderful mother, she is awesome. She stayed the whole time and slept on the most uncomfortable chairs and didn't complain once...May Allah bless her. My father was running errands for us and he never said, "can't that wait?" or asked rather. And my sister Ndoshmo, she was running around for us as well despite the fact that she has two little ones that she had to find childcare for last minute just to come to the hospital and bring us stuff..And my sisters, Ashkash bigash and Noniboni, yall were there for me from a distant, praying for me n whetnat lol..Alhamdulillah...my brother Taki as well, I didn't forget about you. :) I love you all although I hardly show it.

Antway, nuff about yall!!! Back to me, me, me!!! Psych, actually back to Rumaysaa :). Of course she is the cutest baby ever, she's MY child! She came out looking like a little alien though lol jk. Wait, let me first say that I was SHOCKED that she came out a 'she'! I could have sworn that 'she' was going to be a 'he'. When my mother said, "it's a girl!" I was thinking, "Huh, is you sure??" and actually thought she made a mistake, smh. Alhamdulillah I am so glad that she is here though and that she is healthy. Right now she sleeping on her Abi. It is the most wonderful sight to see them together. I love seeing fathers positively interacting with their child(ren) especially when the father is my husband and child is mine. Alhamdulillah. I need to be cleaning while she is sleeping, yet I am on here. I will regret this in a few minutes because now she is squirming. Oh LAWD! She is gearing up to suck the life out of me! I love it though. If she couldn't breastfeed I would be devastated. Okay, I am going to brb and start cleaning before she wakes up...I'll let you know how it goes! Peeeaaacceee!

Bismillah...My hubby is coming, my hubby is coming!!!

Assalaamu'alaikum;

Okay, my husband is coming tomorrow morning inshaAllah!!! I pray everything goes smoothly. You pray for it too! I feel like how I felt the first time I met him in person. I could barely look at him, and I RAN when I thought he could see me lol! Such a young thing to do but it is definitely a great memory. I am now trying to get all dolled up before he comes because lawd knows I look HIT by a mat truck! Hahaha! I'm excited! Alhamdulillah :D

Okay, antyways, I went to an Aqiqah today and it was really nice mashaAllah. The father of the baby is a really good friend of my husband and the mother is a good friend of mine. My husband JUST missed it by one day, mashaAllah. The grandfather of the baby is plotting on my child (if it's a boy) and his granddaughter getting married in the future hahaha. If the child is anything like her parents I wouldn't oppose at all because those two are some beautiful souls, mashaAllah. Being at that Aqiqah made me rethink the name that we chose for the baby, but I am like lost in names now. I have no idea what to pick now. I will wait until the baby gets here to see what fits, inshaAllah. I want something with a good meaning and also after someone great. Hmmm...

Okay, I paused to clean up my room...Could I be nesting?! Or is it just because my hubby is coming. I think it's the latter. We shall see. I am almost done packing my hospital bag, all I need now are snacks, slippers, and...I think that's it! I never thought I'd be so anxious about something that's going to be so painful, yikes! I am trying to get a focal point to use while I'm in labor..Suratul Maryam, maybe? Ultrasound pic? What should I do!?

Okay, it's getting late and I still haven't washed my hair, smh. So, I am going to go finish up, pray then sleep. Have a good one inshaAllah!

Assalaamu'alaikum:

Something to think about: "If you didn't see it with your own eyes, hear it with your own ears, don't invent it with your small mind & share it with your big mouth." -Anonymous and yoinked from a facebook friend's stat.

Bismillah...Journey to Motherhood....Bismillah again just to make sure this is real...

Assalaamu'alaikum;

InshaAllah all is well witcha. :) It has been over a year and I am JUST getting back to this. Such a shame how neglectful I have been. Antyway, as you can see from the title, I am pregnant once again and guess when I'm due...October 19th 2011!!! That's approximately, 10 days, 240 hrs, 14,400 minutes, or better yet 86,400 seconds away!!! SubhaaaanAllah! Everyone keeps telling me that I am going to go in earlier than that. I don't even mind as long as my husband is by my side...I miss that man. Antyway, I am having contractions as I type this; nothing major just your normal mild ones that occur as the d-day approaches.

I must say, I am super anxious about this pregnancy, way more than I was about the first, mashaAllah. I guess the first was really a lesson for me to change my attitude toward things. Although, I am still not overly preparing for the baby's arrival BUT I have been looking up things to get when the time comes, preparing for the baby shower (after the birth, mainly because my family doesn't do them before the baby is here PLUS I don't know the sex. funny thing is, my husband tried to find out in May what the sex was and then last week my sister tried and STILL the baby said, "NOPE" LOL! Is this too much to have in ()? lol aah well it's my blog so I can do what I want! :P) and the Aqiqah, which is literally the religious ritual of the lamb/sheep/goat slaughtering to welcome the birth of the baby and then after we have a wallimah (reception), that entails lots of people, naming ceremony, GOOD FOOD, some gifts, etc. Most of yall are Muslim that will be reading this so I don't have to explain much. So basically, you can see that I'm excited, huh? Oh, and I am about to pack my hospital bag like on Monday inshaAllah.

I pray that I can have this baby "au naturale" especially because the last time I asked for drugs and regretted it. I don't like feeling like I am floating out of my bed, eww. Pray for me because I don't want to give in to the many temptations of being pain-free. Well, last time I felt pain but I was disoriented. MashaAllah, as I typed that I thought about my baby, Hamzah (that's my baby that passed). He makes me smile although we never met. InshaAllah my husband and I will meet him again in Jennah. I was just talking to my sister today about how I don't like to say, "I lost a baby." because it definitely wasn't a lost..well physically yes, but spiritually it has made me more conscious of my soul and that's indeed a gain. Also, he's in Jennah, can't ask for more (well, yeah I could, for me, my husband and family to be there with him :) Ameen!). Allah is most merciful.

Ok, I am just ranting...isn't that what blogs are for though? So imma continya then! I should be sleeping now though. I need all of the rest before this child comes. I think it's going to be a boy. Have any name suggestions? Well, I have a name, not telling yet though but I would like to see what you have and maybe I will use it for the next baby. Okay, I am going to lay it down because I could go on and on right now but I should save a little for later. InshaAllah I will try and stay consistent with this at least every few days. Maybe the next post I will be telling the sex of the baby :D.

Make du'a for me and mine and I will do the same for you and yours (if I know you, if not then I will just...iuno...pray that whoever sees this is blessed in this world and the next?) Ight den, I am ooouuuuttt! Oh, no editing for me so please forgive my grammar mistakes, typos, awlat! Ok, I'm out forreal.

Assalaamu'alaikum
~Something to ponder after you leave: "People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
What you spend years to build, someone could destroy overnight. Build anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow. Do good anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and Allaah (SWT). It never was between you and them anyway. ~ Mother Teresa"

Still Accepting...

Bismillah. Assalaamu'alaikum warahmatullah wabarakaatuh;

Once again, so much time has gone by, yet the feeling is still fresh..SubhanAllah walhamdulillah wAllahuAkbar.

No, I am not depressed, yes, I get sad at times, but all the time am I happy..AllahuAkbar. Sad because I am human, and happy because my child is destined Paradise..What more can I ask for??? The thing I feared the most was having a child, not being able to raise him right and then this world corrupting him. Alhamdulillah..Allah saved him from himself and me from heartache of possibly seeing my child go astray. SubhanAllah.

Today, I am not going to use a hadith, rather, the story of Prophet Ayyub (alayhi salaam). Allah says in the Quran, “...Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily, he was ever oft returning in repentance to Us!” Surah Saad ayah 44. The story is long of course, but WELL worth the read!!!

Prophet Ayyub (alayhi salam) was repentant, remembering Allah with thankfulness, patience, and steadfastness. This was the cause of his rescue and the secret of Allah’s praising him. A group of angels were discussing Allah’s other human creatures, how those who were humble earned Allah’s pleasure, while those who were arrogant incurred His displeasure. One of the angels remarked:

”The best creature on earth today is Ayyub, a man of noble character who displays great patience and always remembers his Generous Lord. He is an excellent model for the worshippers of Allah. In return, his Lord has blessed him with a long life and plenty of servants, as well as the needy and the poor share in his good fortune; he feeds and clothes the poor and buys slaves to set them free. He makes those who receive his charity feel as if they are favoring him so kind and gentle is he.” Iblis overhearing all of this, became annoyed. He planned to tempt Job to corruption and disbelief, so he hastened to him. He tried to distract Job from his prayers by whispering him about the good things in life but Ayyub was a true believer and would not let evil thoughts tempt him. This disturbed Iblis even more; thus he began to hate Ayyub even more. Iblis complained to Allah about Ayyub.

He said that although he was continuously glorifying Allah he was not doing so out of his sincerity but to satisfy Allah so that his wealth should not be taken away. It was all a show, all out of greed. “If You remove his wealth then You will find that his tongue will no longer mention Your name and his praying will stop.” Allah told Iblis that Ayyub was one of His most sincere devotees. He did not worship Him because of the favors; his worship stemmed from his heart and had nothing to do with material things. But to prove to Iblis the depth of Ayyub’s sincerity and patience, Allah allowed him to do whatever he and his helpers wished with Ayyub’s wealth. Iblis was very happy. he gathered his helpers and set about destroying Ayyub’s cattle, servants and farms until he was left with no possessions. Rubbing his hands in glee, Iblis appeared before Ayyub in the guise of a wise old man and said to him: “All your wealth is lost, some people say that it is because you gave too much charity and that you are wasting your time with your continuous prayers to Allah. Others say that Allah has brought this upon you in order to please your enemies.

If Allah had the capacity to prevent harm, then He would have protected your wealth.” True to his belief, Ayyub replied: “What Allah has taken away from me belongs to Him. I was only its trustee for awhile. He gives to whom He wills and withholds from whom He wills.” With these words, Ayyub again prostrated to his Lord. When Iblis saw this, he felt frustrated, so he again addressed Allah: “I have stripped Ayyub of all his possessions, but he still remains grateful to You. However he is only hiding his disappointment, for he places great store by his many children. The real test of a parent is through his children. You will see how Ayyub will reject You.” Allah granted Iblis authority but warned him that it would not reduce Ayyub’s faith in His Lord nor his patience. Iblis again gathered his helpers and set about his evil deeds. He shook the fountain of the house in which Job’s children were living and sent the building crashing, killing all of them.

Then he went to Ayyub disguised as a man who had come to sympathize with him. In a comforting tone he said to Ayyub: “The circumstances under which your children died were sad. Surely, your Lord is not rewarding you properly for all your prayers.” Having said this, Iblis waited anxiously hoping Ayyub was now ready to reject Allah. But again Ayyub disappointed him by replying: “Allah sometimes gives and sometimes takes. He is sometimes pleased and sometimes displeased with our deeds. Whether a thing is beneficial or harmful to me, I will remain firm in my belief and remain thankful to my Creator.” then Ayyub prostrated to his Lord. At this Iblis was extremely vexed. Iblis called on Allah. “O my Lord, Job’s wealth is gone, his children are dead, and he is still healthy in body, and as long as he enjoys good health he will continue to worship You in the hope of regaining his wealth and producing more children. Grant me authority over his body so that I may weaken it.

He will surely neglect worshipping You an will thus become disobedient.” Allah wanted to teach Iblis a lesson that Ayyub was a devoted servant of his Lord so He granted Iblis his 3rd request but placed a condition: “I give you authority over his body but not over his soul, intellect or heart, for in these places reside the knowledge of Me and My religion.” Armed with this new authority, Iblis began to take revenge on Ayyub’s body and filled it with disease until it was reduced to mere skin and bone and he suffered severe pain. But through all the suffering Ayyub remained strong in his faith, patiently bearing all the hardships without complaining. Allah’s righteous servant did not despair or turn to others for help but remained hopeful of Allah’s mercy.

Even close relatives and friends deserted him. Only his kind, loving wife stayed with him. In his hour of need, she showered her kindness on him and cared for him. She remained his sole companion and comforter through the many years of suffering. Ibn Asaker narrated: “Ayyub was a man having much wealth of all kinds; beats, slaves, sheep, vast lands of Haran and many children. All those favors were taken from him and he was physically afflicted as well. Never a single organ was sound except his heart and tongue, with both of which he glorified Allah, the Almighty all the time day and night. His disease lasted for a long time until his visitors felt disgusted with him. His friends kept away from him and people abstained from visiting him. No one felt sympathy for him except his wife. She took good care of him, knowing his former charity and pity for her.” Therefore Iblis became desperate. He consulted his helpers, but they could not advise him. They asked : “How is it that your cleverness cannot work against Ayyub, yet you succeeded in misleading Adam the father of man, out of Paradise?” Iblis went to Ayyub’s wife in the form of a man.

“Where is your husband?” he asked her. She pointed to an almost lifeless form crumbled on the bed and said: “There he is, suspended between life and death.” Iblis reminded her of the days, when Ayyub had good health, wealth and children. Suddenly, the painful memory of years of hardship overcame her, and she burst into tears. She said to Ayyub: “How long are you going to bear this torture from our Lord? Are we to remain without wealth, children or friends forever? Why don’t you call upon Allah to remove this suffering?” Ayyub sighed, and in a soft voice replied : “Iblis must have whispered to you and made you dissatisfied. Tell me how long did I enjoy good health and riches?” She replied: “eighty years.” Then Ayyub replied: “How long am I suffering like this?” She said: “seven years.” Ayyub then told her: “In that case I am ashamed to call on my Lord to remove the hardship, for I have not suffered longer than the years of good health and plenty. It seems your faith has weakened and you are dissatisfied with the fate of Allah. If I ever regain health, I swear I will punish you with a hundred strokes! From this day onward, I forbid myself to eat or drink anything by your hand. Leave me alone and let my Lord do with me as He pleases.” Crying bitterly and with a heavy heart, she had no choice but to leave him and seek shelter elsewhere. In this helpless sate, Ayyub turned to Allah, not to complain but to seek His mercy:

“Verily! distress has seized me and You are the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy.” so We answered his call, and we removed the distress that was on him, and We restored his family to him (that he had lost), and the like thereof along with them as a mercy from Ourselves and a Reminder for all who worship Us.” (Ch 21:83-84) Almighty Allah also instructed: “Remember Our slave Ayyub, when he invoked His Lord saying: “Verily! Satan has touched me with distress (by losing my health) and torment (by losing my wealth)!” Allah said to him: “Strike the ground with your foot: This is a spring of water to wash in and cool and a refreshing drink.” And We gave him back his family, and along with them the like thereof as a Mercy from Us, and a reminder for those who understand.” (Ch 38:41-43) Ayyub obeyed and almost immediately his good health was restored. Meanwhile, his faithful wife could not longer bear to be parted from her husband and returned to him to beg his forgiveness, desiring to serve him.

On entering her house, she was amazed at the sudden change: Ayyub was again healthy! She embraced him and thanked Allah for His mercy. Ayyub was now worried, for he had taken an oath to punish her with a hundred strokes if he had regained health but he had no desire to hurt her. He knew if he did not fulfill the oath, he would be guilty of breaking a promise to Allah. Therefore in His wisdom and mercy, Allah came to the assistance of His faithful servant and advised him: “take in your hand a bundle of thin grass and strike therewith your wife, and break not your oath. ” Truly! We found him patient. How excellent a slave! Verily, he was ever oft returning in repentance to Us!” (Ch 38:44) Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “While Job was naked, taking a bath, a swarm of gold locusts fell on him, and he started collecting them in his garment. His Lord called him: “O Ayyub! Have I not made you too rich to need what you see?” He said: “Yes, My Lord! But I cannot shun Your Blessings.” (Al Bukhari)

So, we need to remember that everything in this life is a blessing, be it good or bad. We should praise Allah in times of prosperity and adversity. Everything is a test of your sincerity in faith, whether you are rich or poor. Remember that everything you have in this life is a loan; your children, husbands, wives, friends, your BODY! We will all return to Allah..AllahuAkbar! What are loans for?? For us to gain some benefit..My baby was a loan from Allah. Although, he was only with me for 8 months, and I never met him, he will always remain in my heart so long as I am breathing. He was a mercy. He was sent here to help me appreciate pregnancy more (everyone knows how non-chalant I am about almost anything, now I think this will help me become more enthusiastic). Allah does everything for a reason, it's just up to you to take the good from it and esp. praise Allah throughout the hardship.

Also, in "little" things, always remember Allah, with your heart and tongue. Just now I was looking for something and couldn't find it so I stopped looking and said subhanAllah..and BAM there it was! Lol Alhamdulillah.

May Allah only take us when we are pleasing to Him..Ameen
May Allah grant us ease in the grave...Ameen
May Allah grant us Jennah and allow us to be in the presence of our beloved Rasullullah (saws) and may He bless us all to reunite in Jennah..Ameen!

Wassalaamu'alaikum (any typos, please excuse them because I don't feel like editing, you can do that if you want Asha, :D love ya!)

The Qadr..We Must Accept it...

Bismillah

I know I said I was going to go through the 40 hadith, however, I got distracted with life and slacked off in my postings..as you can see, mashaAllah. Although, I would still like to continue I am not going to do it in order.

InshaAllah this one will be about Hadith 19: Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me:

"O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."

[Al-Tirmidhi relates this and says: It is a good, genuine Hadith]

In a version other than that of al-Tirmidhi it reads:

"..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."

I have gone through many trials in my life that this hadith has brought ease to, SubhanAllah. Yet, none of those test can ever amount to losing a child.

At the beginning of my pregnancy people kept harassing me about finding out what the sex of the baby was going to be so that I could buy things for the baby..I told them I didn't want to do so just in case it wasn't meant for my child to enter this world. Some understood, some looked at me like I was insane (hence my title, Embracing Insanity). I had that conversation at least once a week. MashaAllah. Anyway, months of refusing to find out the sex of the baby, the inevitable happened.

A week before my two week check up I told my husband that I was anxious about something, I began to have a mild panic attack and everything. After a while I convinced myself that I was just being overwhelmed with moving and that it would pass..a few days later the anxiety kept coming back. I asked a friend about stillborns, she yelled at me and told me to, "shut up and stop thinking about that." I tried, but I was preparing myself as much as I could.

We got to the doctor's office, my blood pressure was over the top high, 150 or 90...not good, I know. I was told to lie down on the bed, she put the cold gel on my stomach, couldn't find a heartbeat, she tried once more, and again nothing was seen nor was it heard. My husband and I looked at each other, gave a nervous smile and said, "MashaAllah." She tried to make me feel better by saying, "well, maybe I can't pick it up so I am going to send you to the hospital."

As soon as I walked in the labor and delivery unit the nurse was apologizing to me for what happened as if it was her fault (I know that's her job, but I thought it was funny). She was very sweet, they all were. By the way, I thought I was just going to get an ultrasound, until the nurse came in and told me to put on the backless gown (ugh, of course I asked for another, to cover up my goods)and get comfy because there is no telling how long I would be there. After the final ultrasound I was going to get induced.

That's when the anxiety really kicked in.."Do you mean to tell me that I am about have a baby???!!!" That's what I was thinking the whole time. SubhanAllah. Never have stayed at a hospital over night, not even when I was a baby (I was born at home)!!! I was thinking all of this but I my outer showed otherwise.

We called everyone to let them know..My mother couldn't believe it, my mother in law cried like he was her own, and I sat there trying to accept His decree.

This is getting rather lengthy so I am going to continue on another post so that you don't feel like you are reading so much..I want to have mercy on your eyes...to be continued inshaAllah.

Assalaamu'alaikum