The Qadr..We Must Accept it...

Bismillah

I know I said I was going to go through the 40 hadith, however, I got distracted with life and slacked off in my postings..as you can see, mashaAllah. Although, I would still like to continue I am not going to do it in order.

InshaAllah this one will be about Hadith 19: Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me:

"O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."

[Al-Tirmidhi relates this and says: It is a good, genuine Hadith]

In a version other than that of al-Tirmidhi it reads:

"..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."

I have gone through many trials in my life that this hadith has brought ease to, SubhanAllah. Yet, none of those test can ever amount to losing a child.

At the beginning of my pregnancy people kept harassing me about finding out what the sex of the baby was going to be so that I could buy things for the baby..I told them I didn't want to do so just in case it wasn't meant for my child to enter this world. Some understood, some looked at me like I was insane (hence my title, Embracing Insanity). I had that conversation at least once a week. MashaAllah. Anyway, months of refusing to find out the sex of the baby, the inevitable happened.

A week before my two week check up I told my husband that I was anxious about something, I began to have a mild panic attack and everything. After a while I convinced myself that I was just being overwhelmed with moving and that it would pass..a few days later the anxiety kept coming back. I asked a friend about stillborns, she yelled at me and told me to, "shut up and stop thinking about that." I tried, but I was preparing myself as much as I could.

We got to the doctor's office, my blood pressure was over the top high, 150 or 90...not good, I know. I was told to lie down on the bed, she put the cold gel on my stomach, couldn't find a heartbeat, she tried once more, and again nothing was seen nor was it heard. My husband and I looked at each other, gave a nervous smile and said, "MashaAllah." She tried to make me feel better by saying, "well, maybe I can't pick it up so I am going to send you to the hospital."

As soon as I walked in the labor and delivery unit the nurse was apologizing to me for what happened as if it was her fault (I know that's her job, but I thought it was funny). She was very sweet, they all were. By the way, I thought I was just going to get an ultrasound, until the nurse came in and told me to put on the backless gown (ugh, of course I asked for another, to cover up my goods)and get comfy because there is no telling how long I would be there. After the final ultrasound I was going to get induced.

That's when the anxiety really kicked in.."Do you mean to tell me that I am about have a baby???!!!" That's what I was thinking the whole time. SubhanAllah. Never have stayed at a hospital over night, not even when I was a baby (I was born at home)!!! I was thinking all of this but I my outer showed otherwise.

We called everyone to let them know..My mother couldn't believe it, my mother in law cried like he was her own, and I sat there trying to accept His decree.

This is getting rather lengthy so I am going to continue on another post so that you don't feel like you are reading so much..I want to have mercy on your eyes...to be continued inshaAllah.

Assalaamu'alaikum