I don't know...Rambling maybe?

AsSalaamu'Alaikum how yall doin'? I can't believe it has been almost a year since my last post. I have really been slacking but I have been semi busy as well. Last time I was here, I was talking about how it felt to be a mother and joys etc, this time I am going to share how it feels to be a mother of an 11 month old AND expecting another baby. Yes, expecting another baby! Need I type it again?? Lol. MashaAllah, I found out that I was pregnant again when Rumaysaa was 6 months. Fast, I know, but mashaAllah, I pray that I am able to wait at least 2 years to have another after this one but I am also thankful to Allah that I am able to give life and that He has chosen me to raise yet another servant to Him. And I am grateful that I get to have some more expiation of sins because lawd knows I need it. Seriously, Lord KNOWS I need it. Pregnancy so far has been easy, minus being sore from nursing etc. I know some say we should stop nursing while pregnant but I just couldn't cut her off cold turkey just yet. And I know some of you are thinking, "shouldn't have gotten pregnant!". I have heard people say it about others so I know folk are saying it about me. Ah well, can't beat the Qadr of Allah. Anyway, I am gradually weaning her; before she would nurse like 10 times a day, but now she is down to 3 on a good day (most are good) and 5 when I am too tired to get up and make her food. Oh, and she isn't waking up in the middle of the night to nurse either, halleluyer! Alhamdulillah because the night nursing was really driving me insane but she is taking it well, better than I thought. InshaAllah soon she won't even want the ninny. It seems like yesterday that I had her but now she is walking, trying to talk, feeding herself (making a huge mess of course) and just becoming her own person I guess. It's amazing to see children grow and to know that you were once like them and that inshaAllah they will soon be like you (better than us I pray). Life is the same cycle. It's sad at times to know that you may never see them again once you die. That's one of my fears about death, not being able to see someone you loved ever again (maybe in Jannah, if you're good). This reminds me of this pregnancy. One thing different about this pregnancy is that I have EXTREMELY emotional, crying every whichaway lol. My close friend's (like my sister) father passed during the last ten days of Ramadaan, and I was very, very close with him so it was hard on me. I was able to attend his funeral thanks to my loverly parents and husband. It felt as though I lost one of the few friends that I had. Whenever I would call to check on him he would be so happy and would talk to me about his past, present and what he wants in the future. :) I am getting teary eyed just thinking about him. He was a great man, mashaAllah. So many traveled far and wide just to witness his burial so that shows you how loved he was by many. I am sure if he had passed in NY it would have been a massive janazah. May Allah protect him from the torment of the grave and hellfire and grant him Jannah. Ameen. When I saw them bring his shrouded body out and carry it to the cemetery, I could do nothing but burst into tears because at that moment I felt the reality of life and death. Nothing in this world is permanent and we all have to meet our Lord one day no matter what we are doing, if it is our time to go we are getting picked up by the Angel of Death and even if we aren't ready for the final exam we still will be tested in our grave, it's up to us whether we will answer the questions correctly. Lordy Mcfordy, I was so down for almost 2 weeks after her passed, it would hit me at the most inconvenient times, I would be driving and just burst into tears (such a hazard!) or about to pray, TEARS! Even now, I am crying smh. MashaAllah though. I am sad because I miss him. I am happy that he has left this world because it is hard living and this world was meant to break and then make us (yes I meant it just the way you see it). “God is with the broken-hearted. When your heart breaks, it’s a good thing – the breaking of the heart is what opens it up to the light of Allah. The dunya is designed to break your heart, to crush it.” ~ Shaykh Hamza Yusuf. After reading that quote you should understand what I meant about break and then make. It will break us down to pieces, make us feel like less than scum and then if we are strong enough we can build ourselves back up and become better than we use to be. Ha, another quote popped in my head by Amir Sulaiman, "I'm better than I was, worse than I'm gonna be." If we really stick to that then before our appointment with Allah we may just be 25% ready to meet Him. We just have to make sure we have packed the right deeds during this journey. I have more to type but I will wait because I know that this is a lot. Excuse the typos, I am too lazy to edit. Make du'a for me and mine and if I know you I will do the same for you. Remember Allah in all that you do. (stole that from a friend :P) Salaam